Feb 23 2010
Trust is the key
What would you do if told by your other half you were not allowed to be friends with anyone of the opposite sex?
This has just happened with me. I’ve lost a good friend because her boyfriend won’t allow her to be friends with any guys. He’s threatened to end their relationship if she even follows them on twitter.
I, personally, think it’s disgusting mental abuse, and pity her greatly for falling for it, for not being strong enough to notice the first signs of an ultimately destructive relationship, one which will crush her self-esteem (it already is) and self image.
That’s not to say I’ve never suffered from jealousy – I have – but it’s a demon I believe I now have conquered and I’ve not felt the related emotions for a long time. I haven’t, I hope, done such a disgusting thing as he has, though.
What would you do in such a situation? Tell him to get the fuck out, or get on all fours and let him rape your self-esteem until you’re a shell of your former self?
Feb 18 2010
Very difficult week.
One of the most difficult weeks I’ve had in a while, aside from the joy which was Tuesday.
Not sure what the future holds right now, but it’s looked rosier.
Feb 15 2010
More bullet points.
Can’t be bothered to write up a wordy post, but enough’s happened to warrant some bullet points.
The good:
- Sorted pictures, frame and small gifts to package up and send to the USA in time for it to be delivered for Valentine’s day.
- Managed also to arrange delivery of some roses to the USA too.
- Quotes are in for the new kitchen.
- Nearly up to date with Two and a Half Men.
- Read, and loved, Born to Run. Now reading It’s not about the bike.
- Started running again. Switching to Forefoot Running, legs adjusting slowly.
- Have been socialising! Only single people at a time, but will soon move up to small groups, hopefully without associated anxiety.
- Started Chiropractic treatment. My spine’s out of shape, but loving it being cracked back into place. Neck cracks are the stuff orgasms are made out of.
- Emma flies back over in less than a month!
- Antibiotics appear to be helping my stomach!
- Zachary’s been really well behaved and a joy to be around the last few times I’ve seen him.
- Getting an Xbox 360 this week.
The Bad:
- Sleep’s still not regulating. Have taken sleeping tablets 5 times in the last two weeks.
- Anxiety isn’t resolved. Slight improvement, and no full on panic attacks, but still not where I want it to be. Will be requesting additional or a change in medication on Wednesday.
- This month away from Emma has been really hard mentally and emotionally. Need to make a concerted effort not to get too down waiting for her flight in March.
Feb 07 2010
Reboot the day
Not a great morning. Anxious as fuck. Many things I’d like to change. Just have to wait.
Feb 04 2010
A good night sleep
Last night I specifically went against doctor’s orders and I took a single tablet of 10mg zolpidem.
Doctor’s orders were to just take citalopram for two more weeks and (potentially) suffer bad sleep, until using the zolpidem as a last resort before starting back at work.
As I’ve had bad sleep for months (bar Saturday at my Dad’s), I felt I’d earned a good night. So I popped the pill and settled down.
Within ten minutes I was feeling the effects. Within 20, I was sound asleep. I woke twice during the night – once at 0300 for a drink and once at 0530 when Emma called for a chat. I slept until 0800.
I am feeling so much better today. Happier, positive, relaxed. I believe that a need for good sleep is the source of most of my problems.
Now to stick to what the doctor said for the next few weeks.
Feb 03 2010
A couple of weeks of appointments
An update on various issues:
I saw the psychiatrist last Thursday afternoon. He’s happy I have no underlying psychiatric issues (clinical depression, etc) and has referred me back to my GP for further treatment. He’s requested that I come off the zopiclone (sleeping medication) and diazepam (anxiety med), which I have done over the last 5 days. I’m to remain on the citalopram ongoing as the anxiety element is having a positive effect.
For management of anxiety I’ve been provided with a thorough
information pack and have purchased a workbook to go through. I
understand, although the letter’s not been received yet, that I’m to
be referred for counciling for CBT. I’ll find out more during my next GP appointment.
I saw my GP today and while she’s pleased with the progress on the
anxiety front, she’s not happy with my sleeping schedule – I’m
averaging 3-4 hours a night, despite being in bed for 8-10. She wants me to continue with the citalopram for the next two weeks alone in an effort to improve my sleep, if that doesn’t work then she’s prescribed 10mg zolpidem which I’m to take occasionally if necessary. This should enable me to return to work at a functional level.
I requested to return to work this coming Monday, but she would like to give the meds another few weeks to start working properly. So I’ve been signed off for a further two weeks.
On the gastro front, I spent Monday and Tuesday at the Biolab clinic in London having lactose and lactulose tests done to assess bacteria levels in my gut. I get the results tomorrow at the London Bridge Hospital. If the results are abnormal, then long-term antibiotics can be prescribed to keep the levels down (and therefore hopefully the wind and other associated nastiness). If the results are normal, then we’ll move to MRI or other imaging techniques to scan the remainder of the intestine to find out what on earth is going on.
So it’s been a busy few weeks. Tomorrow I’m seeing the dentist and the doc and Friday I pick up my wounded soldier for the weekend. Until then, I foresee some Two and a Half Men in my future, and perhaps some more Modern Warfare 2.
Feb 03 2010
Emma’s trip to the UK
On the evening of the 8th Jan, I was excitedly clicking refresh on my browser to check that flight CO4 from Houston was on time for its trip to London Heathrow.
Saturday morning, Zachary and I headed to LHR to greet a tired, but very happy Emma. Zachary bounded up to her and gave her an almighty cuddle; I had to wait my turn. It was a great start to a nerve-wracking moment – when child meets new partner for the first time; it couldn’t have gone any better.