Jun 20 2010

A day at the farm

Category: children, outingsjkt @ 09:34

Yesterday morning, Zachary and I set off to the deepest, darkest Stevenage to go and see Lorraine and her nearly-two-year-old daughter Melissa.

Zachary gave Melissa her birthday present when we arrived, and despite it being five days early, she was allowed to open it. Much to Zachary’s joy, she asked him for help. We’d got her the HappyLand Sunflower School, to go with some other HappyLand items she’d received previously. Judging by the grin on her face as she pushed the people down the slide, she was happy with our choice.

During the week, we’d been deciding what we’d do when we met up. Something for the kids to enjoy was the prime motivator, so Lorraine recommended Woodside Farm which as well as having farm animals is also home to a leisure park and mini-zoo.

We arrived, purchased some food for the animals and started wandering around looking at the animals. Both Zachary and Melissa fed the llamas, sheep and goats, though Melissa did like a little encouragement and often asked for me to hold her while she was holding her hands out. Thankfully in this farm/zoo – unlike in Menorca – the llamas didn’t spit on me!

Before lunch, we headed to the ‘Animal Encounters’ shed where a couple of the staff showed – and allowed us to touch or hold – a two day old chick, a chinchilla, a corn snake and an eagle owl. Lots of fun!

After a quick lunch, we all took a tractor ride around the farm, Melissa excitedly sitting on my lap and bouncing up and down and with Zachary waving to everyone, and all the animals, as we trundled round. When the tractor came to a halt, Zachary insisted we go to the park, while they both munched on ice-creams.

A fun feature of the farm is the number of brightly painted old tractors they have embedded in the floor. Here, anyone can go up and clamber all over them, onto the engines if they wish (which have been sealed against little fingers), or just in the seats and turn with big steering wheels.

The lure of the funfair soon proved too much for us, and soon we were all sliding super-fast down the helter skelter and going round the carousel, and spinning in tea-cups to traditional fair ground music! Both Zachary and Melissa caught ducks and won prizes of balloons (which I then tied to annoying places on the pushchair) and bounced away on the trampolines.

By this time, the park was literally empty, apart from us, so we quickly saw the remaining animals – some pigs, sheep and the poultry – and then, as it was getting chilly, headed back to the car to go home. On the walk back, I managed to end up with Zachary on my shoulders and Melissa in my arms; quite a sight.

Back at Lorraine’s the kids had a yummy dinner and then Zachary and I set off home, exhausted. I hope there will be many more days like that in our future!


Jun 17 2010

A question of insanity

Category: healthjkt @ 18:55

Insanity: Insanity, craziness or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns.

Someone said to me recently that insanity is repeating the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome.

I keep straying from my diet; I keep reintroducing foods which I know I’m intolerant of (or which have an ingredient I’m known intolerant of) because I’m optimistic that suddenly my body’s become tolerant of it and my diet will become, once more, enjoyable to live with.

Every time I’m bitch-slapped into submission again. Every single time. But I keep trying.

Does that make me insane? Is optimism – because that’s what I believe drives it – therefore a sign of insanity?


Jun 15 2010

Wherein our hero shows his meds who’s boss

Category: healthjkt @ 09:34

After a failed attempt at going cold-turkey on my benzo and z-class drugs (previously) I reintroduced the zolpidem and continued with no benzos.

While on holiday with Zachary – a trip which is yet to be written up – I halved my dose of zolpidem, reducing from 10 to 5mg/night. The first few days I struggled to get to sleep, but as I was on holiday there was no rush or stress and I slowly became accustomed to it.

Then this Friday I removed the final 5mg zolpidem. Thursday I slept very well. Friday and Saturday’s sleep were terrible, due to having acute tonsillitis. Sunday and then again last night were very good, sleeping for 10 and 8.5 hours respectively; and only waking the once.

I’ve been going to bed later than I usually do – around midnight – as that’s when I’ve been tired. I expect my cycle to change to an early bed/early wake when I start work next week, but until then, I’m happy with late nights.

I can’t emphasise how good this is: Between July last year and five days ago, I either didn’t sleep much, or I had to be heavily medicated to sleep. I have now had two consecutive good night’s sleep, waking a similar number of times as people who sleep ‘normally’. I’m seeing Dr Broadhead tomorrow, I think he’ll be happy with this progress; he was concerned I’d gained a dependency on these meds.

So it just leaves me on 45mg mirtazapine, which I’m happy to stay on for the time being.

I don’t fall for the Correlation does not imply causation line of thinking often, but on Thursday I finally severed all ties with my previous employer. Suddenly I’m able to sleep. Coincidence?


May 26 2010

Aaaaaaand we have the shakes

Category: healthjkt @ 08:06

Detox is going swimmingly. Slept more last night than I had the previous night, fewer waking times remembered – only five or six.

This morning I feel better, more stable, emotionally, but physically I’m shaking. Like, actual shakes. What the fuck?!


May 25 2010

And the detoxing continues

Category: healthjkt @ 08:58

Today is day three. I caved on Sunday night and took zolpidem – I didn’t have much choice, faced with 3-4 hours of driving Monday morning, I needed to sleep – but I’ve so far avoided all benzo use (which, for the record, I’m prescribed.)

Yesterday, emotionally, was a write off. Had huge anxiety onset early afternoon and aside from a couple of times where it subsided for a short while, remained until I went to bed.

Last night I felt awake a lot but I only looked at the alarm clock the once – at 2am. Today I’m spacey and can feel an undercurrent of anxiety – though it’s not above manageable levels yet.

Today, so far, aside from one part, can go fuck itself in the arse. I’m tired, want to sleep, need to sleep, but physically can’t. I’m determined to persist with the detox, but it’s testing my resolve far more than I expected.

I’ve decided to cancel the Croatia trip. For many reasons.

Despite the whinging, there have been some really positive/happy things the last few days, but I can’t write about them, as much as I’d love to.


May 23 2010

Detoxing; keep your distance

Category: healthjkt @ 14:45

Last night I started my withdrawal from benzodiazapines and the z-class (zolpidem, zopiclone etc) drugs.

Words can not describe how shit I feel today. I had very fitful sleep, waking so many times I lost count, and I was only in bed for eight hours.

My head is foggy; I can not think quickly enough to even have the most basic of conversations with people. My body’s aching.

Strongly dislike. But it needs to be done.


May 21 2010

In the last 24 hours, I tweeted

Category: unfiledloudtwitter @ 22:55
  • 17:30 hungry snakes are no longer hungry. Kitchen is nearly finished – flooring’s going down. Huzzah. #

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May 19 2010

In the last 24 hours, I tweeted

Category: unfiledloudtwitter @ 22:55
  • 09:35 Still dealing with the anxiety-fallout from yesterday. Dreadful afternoon and night. Still very tense. #

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May 18 2010

In the last 24 hours, I tweeted

Category: unfiledloudtwitter @ 22:55
  • 17:09 is really unimpressed with having to fork out nearly £2000 on a new laptop. #

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May 17 2010

In the last 24 hours, I tweeted

Category: unfiledloudtwitter @ 22:55
  • 08:21 Uploading the first video shot with my Kodak Zi6. It’s of Zachary, holding a rabbit. Will link later. #

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